Thursday, 2 June 2011
Surely it can be seen I have been tested by god not for only myself but many others as I walked this lonely pathway; even so at the same time amongst other people, people of Gods choosing. Tested in the public domain as I have explained in these writings regarding the faith of the most divine spirit, yea a confusing banter of words and information that have come from deep in my heart, words of contradiction but at the same time words of wisdom and truth as God placed them into my mind, it can be seen I have been exposed to so many changes in directions it/they seem countless; as I battled within myself trying to understand where all of this was coming from and where it was going.
So much love to give and share as I struggled within myself trying to climb this ladder of how to take it to where it ought to be; but found it difficult to do so as in explaining my true feelings without making myself demeaned having an (inferior complex) which was so deep inside of me I did not know what to do about it, how to express my love and how to accept love from someone else. I wonder why I was like this, heaven help me I just did not know.
What a struggle I have had coming to terms with my frailties as I now know was my character, more a tension from within but at the same time; where else other than within was this coming from, at the time I did not know, but now I am enlightened because it was coming from God, why god one might ask, the answer I now know was his love for me and at the time it was for him and him only and I was not to share it with anyone else, even though I have been married for many years and raised a family of course with my ever suffering wife.
Why do I want to share this with other people? Well I can tell you, because of my spiritual journey and the time is right for me to do so, how do I know? Because God is my guiding light at this time and it is he whom is helping me to express these feelings this very moment which are my true feelings.
I have a lot to be grateful for because I was ever so godless until my early fifties as I have previously explained; but now I am exactly where he wants me to be, at the peek of my soul cleansing experiences many of which I have shared with others in this place and other places of the same.
Some might wonder why I have described Chris as my ever suffering wife, well some of this I have shared on these pages but most I have not, and God being willing I may share more of her sufferance as I continue this writing.